- You don’t have to be in constant contact with someone to consider them a friend. Time and place means nothing as long as you are there for each other when one reaches out.
- If you’re going out with even the slightest inkling to hook up with someone – take condoms. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. And it does not seem assuming; it seems responsible.
- Is there any part of your actions that makes you wonder if what you are doing is hurting someone else? If so – why the fuck are you doing it?
- Pay. Your. Invoices. Did you get someone else to do work for you/create something for you/use their abilities for you? You owe them for their time, even if you didn’t use what they created for you in the end. You wouldn’t see someone get their hair done, decide they didn’t like it, and walk out without paying. Same goes for any work.
- As per previous blog post – just because you personally could not see yourself having an abortion, does not automatically make you “pro-life”. Allowing other women the choice is the crux here.
- Grief does not have to be masked by strength. Try to reword your condolences to those you know are going through a shit time. Take away and pull apart the idea that you have to be “strong” in hard times; that is what has led to a society afraid of being seen as weak and not speaking up.
- “The little unremembered acts of kindness and love are the best parts of a person’s life.” – William Wordsworth. It’s the small acts of kindness – it makes your day & theirs. It’s nice to be kind.
- Commitment is what matters, not motivation. As long as you show up every day, you will make it far. You can’t be on all the time. And even if you’re not making enough money to really live on just yet, trust me, it will come as long as you keep trying.
- Don’t use one source for your news. Find multiple ways and voices to inform your opinions. No matter what, media will be slightly bias – you will be hard pressed to find anywhere that doesn’t lean a certain way. Stop relying on everyone else to tell you how you should be thinking; learn for yourself. I had a friend who listened to one particular speaker about issues the country was facing two years ago, so he thought he was right. But he didn’t listen to anyone else and refused to take in other opinions. This does not a forward country make.
- Mind your business and let everyone else run theirs.
Cut back to a few weeks ago. It’s me, aimlessly scrolling through my Instagram explore feed. Liking a meme there, tagging my sisters in another there. I come across a video of a cat sitting in a train station where people are tapping their cards to get through, and only one person pats the cat. Sad time for the cat. And then….there’s a comment….that brings up abortion. On a video? Of a CAT???
“You pet cats while you abort babies- shame!”
Is there any part of you that reads that comment and goes oh yeah, makes sense… I can totally see how she got from a to fucking z. Cause if you do, please map it out for me so I can begin to understand; otherwise, I will continue on thinking there is absolutely no correlation between the two.
So, naturally, I get myself caught up in the world of comments. Some of them make me roll my eyes so hard, it feels like they are about to pop out of my head. Some of them have me nodding my head, thinking, fuck yeah you get it.
And I just couldn’t help myself. My fingers were typing faster than my brain was even thinking, but I threw my opinion out there and sat back. It went back and forth and she made a comment how it’s selfish of society to rid of a “life” being “given by God.” So I threw out there that it’s selfish of society to not allow women to choose what to do with their own bodies; it’s selfish of religion to assume they can make the rules for other people; and it’s selfish of society to overpopulate the world that is already in a climate change and overpopulation crisis.
She claps back with: are you kidding me?! what’s next? killing people because the planet is overpopulated?? let’s begin with you then? how’s that sounds (sic)? STOP thinking about imaginary problems and finding your selfish solutions and be responsible – do what’s right!
It almost tires me to point out everything wrong with her reply. A subtle little death threat. Believing that climate change and overpopulation is an imaginary problem. Thinking that allowing women to choose what to do with their own bodies is finding a selfish solution? How? In the goddamned fuck? Is that selfish?
But, best of all. Best. Of. All.
Do what’s right.
She cares nary about the environment. Do what’s right. Climate change is imaginary. Do what’s right. Women shouldn’t make choices. Do what’s right. Follow what her religion says because it’s her religion, so obviously, it’s right.
What physical, mental and emotional toll is reigning on you for the nine months that someone else is carrying the baby? Any man who argues they have to pay child support if the woman decides to go ahead with it; possibly unbeknownst to you, there is no physical toll — the beer gut you get as you age is not synonymous with being a father — that’s all on you, bro.
It’s terribly fascinating to me that people genuinely feel like they have the right to dictate what other women do with their body. This is a byproduct of a deeply patriarchal society.
I’ve read arguments stating women will actually deal heavily with depression and it will make life harder for them if they abort rather than decide to go through with pregnancy, deal with childbirth, raise the child, taking a toll financially, mentally, emotionally and physically, in which they were not quite ready for. Contrary to that opinion, it is stated in this article that the most commonly reported emotion after abortion is relief, not depression.
When I say women will have abortions anyway but will just seek them illegally, you cannot argue that they just shouldn’t because that is not valid. You just simply cannot suggest that. The FACT is they will, so
…medical evidence suggests that termination rates are approximately equal in countries with and without legal abortion. Regions with limited abortion access do however have markedly higher incidences of unsafe abortion, killing 47,000 women a year worldwide. Legal barriers have never dissuaded anyone from seeking terminations, instead only adding emotional and financial obstacles to an already difficult decision.
You are putting more into a life that doesn’t exist yet rather than a fully-fledged one who should have the basic humane right to make their decision about their body. Can this ‘child’ live without the host that is their mother? No, so therefore, it does not exist as it’s own entity yet. It is not yet it’s very own life form.
You are not ‘pro-life’ as you see fit to call yourself. You are anti-abortion. You are anti-choice. You are anti-safety, as women will seek abortions whether legal or not.
Let people make their own decisions. Think further than your religious affiliations. Think for women.
Why are their names talked about? Why are videos, documents, social media accounts shared of these horrific, horrendous people? These are shared amongst groups as people have a grotesque fascination with the perpetrators; watching the massacre of human beings as if they are part of a play and not just that: human beings. Don’t give these vile people a platform. Don’t give them what they want. Terrorism, violence, the worst act of inhumanity there is.
The moments that feed these people are the ones in which you allow casual racism to pass. You allow an involuntary giggle at a racist joke, you don’t speak up with bigot family members because you think you can’t change their mind; even if you can’t, they need to understand that you don’t think that way, that they shouldn’t think that way, and that the way they think is what is wrong in this world. It is what feeds the extremists to act despicably. It may lead to strained moments, it may lead to loud arguments, but at least it is leading to conversation being had.
Extremists in any capacity that is about harming people is not welcome. But the moment you group All Muslims together as a violent religion and defend White People and They Were Just A Small Part and This Isn’t Usually Us, is right where you become the problem. It is right where you don’t understand that violence can happen anywhere in the world to any community, and it doesn’t matter if it’s New Zealand And This Isn’t Us, or Australian People May Be Jokingly Racist But Don’t Massacre, or He Doesn’t Represent All of Us — of course he doesn’t. But show that in your day to day life. Tell your mate his casual racism isn’t okay. Tell your family their internalised misogyny is not welcome. Tell yourself that the inner monologue may just be wrong. Understand that violence happens everywhere.
All of the lead up to this does not fall on the one person: it falls on us as a community, to come together, to accept each other and to learn from each other. Every day. To replace hate with such an immense love that even those with evil in their veins don’t know what to do with themselves. Make them realise that their thoughts and “opinions” are just not justified and not fucking okay. Stop allowing marginalisation in your day to day life.
This happened to a group of people. This happened because of an extremist, a terrorist, a fucking vile piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to be named.
This happened to innocent people.
It is okay to grieve for these people even if you are not Muslim. We should be grieving. Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Athiest, whatever you call yourself; we mourn together. We mourn at this loss of humanity. We mourn for these innocent people who were attempting to live their life of gratitude in their safe space.
Haji-Daoud Nabi, whose final words were: Welcome, brother.
Mucaad Ibrahim. 3 years old.
Abdullahi Dirie, 4 years old.
Sayyad Milne, 14 years old.
A wife who protected her wheelchair-bound husband, an aspiring pilot, a goalkeeper, husbands, wives, brothers and sisters. Heroes and humans. Just trying to live their lives in the best way they knew how; through practice of their religion, through prayer and with their community.
Now is not the time to walk further apart. It is the time to come together. To not move on from this a week after it happened, to put it in the pile of Terrible Human Acts, but as something to use to better the world. As an example to rid your vocabulary of racist “humour”, to call out your friends, your neighbours, to accept any and all.
We do not blame religion. We blame bigotry and racism and terrorism in every form.
We do not blame victims. We blame perpetrators and remember victims.
We don’t even blame where they came from, or where they chose to act.
We do not blame the victims. We do NOT blame their religion. We work on ourselves and help others to work towards a kinder, better, equal future.
Women are powerful. I have always known this; with a forcefield for a mum and growing up with go-getter, completely individual sisters, to the friends who have my back. Even amongst this, I know there was a time when I tried to blend in and not speak up about how much I love women and how amazing they are. I didn’t want to call myself feminist when I was in school because I was afraid of what that entailed; I didn’t allow myself to learn or completely understand what feminism was. I had many male friends growing up and I used to think that meant that I had to advocate for men as much as women. I know now, as an adult, as a strong feminist, I can advocate for women, I can point out inequalities and I can be a change while still having male friends and loving men. We can pull down the patriarchy that people still believe isn’t real. That misogyny isn’t a thing even though, in the same sentence, they’ll be saying something misogynistic? Over time I have learnt of the privileges of being a white, straight woman amongst the prejudices against women of colour, queer, trans, non-binary; the multitudes of ways a woman can come in. And I am still learning, every. single. day.
I remember being told that I was funny when I was younger “which was rare, because girls aren’t funny.”
“You’re not like other girls.”
“You shouldn’t swear so much because it’s not ladylike.”
“Tattoos just don’t look good on women.”
Meanwhile, the humour that these people consider “funny” is at the expense of women, of minorities, always at the expense of someone not really something. To this day, I hardly even understand what not like other girls is, like it’s some sort of achievement, some sort of feat; like being a girl is a bad thing. While I listened to them swear like a sailor, they looked down on me when I did.
What are you afraid of from women? Were you genuinely so influenced through your younger years that it made you think you were better than us? That there were things you could do that we could not? That we had to be a specific way to make us worthy of your bullshit? Or is it because you know that you’re actually not worthy, so you do your best to cover up your intimidation by acting as if you have the upper hand?
I remember being in school and people talking shit about a friend because of what she got up to on the weekend, but was a bad word uttered about the male? Of course not, because it’s all good for him to do whatever he wants, but not for her. It’s being in your twenties and being praised for your ‘innocence’, and being seen as something different once you act upon your impulses.
It’s dating someone who thinks it’s your own fault for ruining your friendship with a guy once because you slept with him, as if it was only you in that bed. That, even though you went about it just fine, and it was him who wanted to push you away because it was ‘too weird’, it was your own fault.
It’s people (men & shitty women) close to you telling you that that unwanted situation was your own fault because you brought it upon yourself.
Being treated like an object, a game, a goddamn challenge, and it’s okay, because I’m a woman. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. And watching your friends smile and allow them to treat you that way in an attempt to seem cool and not want to be the person who goes against the mould.
The seasons change and the strong women beside me stand up taller, talk a little louder, become unapologetic in their being and it makes me so fucking proud.
Here’s to sexual revolution.
Here’s to opening up our minds.
Here’s to women.
- Do not, and I mean, do not say sorry if you have decided you don’t want to have sex with someone. All you need is the word no. Not, ‘I’m not feeling it anymore, sorry.’ Just, ‘I’m not feeling it anymore.’ BAIIII
- Stop reading the comment sections in Facebook. It will only make you angry and morbidly depressed at the idiocy in the world.
- You are not in a better place in life just because you are in a relationship.
- It’s everyone’s job to care about the environment. It’s not ‘uncool’ or ‘gay’ (which I’ve seen people be called over it; a whole different issue in itself, see point #5) to care or do your part. We, as a collective, are destroying the world as is. Change your thought patterns and change your behaviours.
- Stop using ‘gay’ as an insult or with bad connotations! It’s really not hard to change your habits, say something is uncool or just plain shit.
- A clean vocabulary does not a lady make. It’s 2019 – stop telling me not to swear, bitches.
- You’re not a better person because you don’t like big cities. Some people couldn’t be country folk, they don’t want all that fresh air and ability to hear their thoughts. Respect that; we’re all keeping the world going around. Barely, but still.
- Also, respect everyone’s professional choices. I see, often, people who are business owners talking down about people who do the 9-5, saying who would ever want that? Why would you want to spend your life making money for someone else? Remember that not everyone is in the position, privilege or maybe even passion for building their own business! Your life is not better than theirs if you are constantly comparing how yours is just so much better. They are, I dare say, comfortable and content in their situation. You do you, let them do them.
- Privilege is real. Use yours to try and make a change.
- Vintage/upcycling/recycling is COOL and will be FOREVER. Fast fashion sucks. Chuck it in the bin (The following of the fast fashion, not the actual fast fashion, cause that would just add to the problem – lel). Think about what you’re buying. Think about the ramifications. Use the app @goodonyou_app. Is the brand you love ethical? Could it do better? Could you do better?